Four walls 

As I lay here in bed. Looking at these four walls. I try to picture what I would be like if things were different. If I’d gone down a certain road rather than the other. People say that things happen for a reason. That’s to clique for me. I choose my own future and create my own past. 

I am not disagreeing with the fact that. Because you go down one certain path it has a knock on effect a little later in life. I can look at all the different avenues I have come across in life’s path and pin point the exact time and location where something significant happened to cause a domino effect through out life’s life line. 

I want to make my future big. I want to make it full of events and memories. Some will be good. Others will be bad but they will define me. They will create me into a more experienced being on earth and I will open myself up to what possibilities I can achieve as I go on further through life. 

Time to mould me. 


Social medias chokehold

I feel as though being wrapped up in social media is causing my life to get swallowed up in a world of other people. Caught in the chokehold of others lives. Being involved in reading and engaging in what other people are doing. I need me time. 

I need to find me. I need to seek who I am, who I really am. I need to involve myself in the world away from social media. In a world that was built for us all to enjoy. To love. To admire. I am lost in this depth of fakeness that people seem to need to broadcast to the world. Let’s be true to ourselves and just enjoy life without telling the world about it. 

Human communication has been lost. Now we let our phones, laptop, cameras speak to us. We let words on a screen dictate what our lives are doing rather then stepping back and taking in what nature has to offer. 

I need to find who I am. I need to discover who I am. I need to allow social media not to sway my choices on what’s right or wrong. It’s so easy to sit there reading and wanting what people have. How am I to find what I want to be when I am letting others opinions sway my judgment. This isn’t me. Writing this blog is allowing me to reconnect with my thoughts. Yes. It is sharing with people across the word but these are my thoughts and my thoughts alone. I can keep track of my journey. I can see where I have been. 

Let’s see what becomes of me. Let’s start back at the roots. 

Sense me. Everywhere. 

I am a strong believer in afterlife. I don’t know what to believe but I believe that we move onto something bigger then ourselves. Something bigger then this life. 

It’s all clique and everyone thinks about it. Everyone. But what truly happens. All the beliefs that people muster up are comfort blankets. Death is inevitably yes. And there is nothing we can do about it other than accept the fact it will happen. 

People fear the unknown. Death is unknown. This is why such things are in place to help us fear it less. God. Heaven and hell. Ghosts. Spirits. The list goes on. I have heard some pretty amazing beliefs and theories on what happens to the human soul once we have left this world and I’m not here to give you mine because. Honestly. Yours is probably better because it’s your own. You have taken comfort from it but what I will say is open your eyes. And open your mind. 

Standing in an empty room and you feel that presence behind you. You feel as though some one is looking at you.  

Goosebumps trickle down your back and overwhelm you until you shiver. Taking control of your senses. 

Be put into a situation where you come out of the other end and think ‘that surely should of killed me’ 

What’s to say that the unfortante souls that have left there shell isn’t there looking after you. Watching you. It’s hard because we can’t see them. Talk to them. We want a response off them. We want to hear there voice one last time. Open you eyes. Open your mind. 

There are stranger more power forces in this world in this universe. In this vast nothingness of space. We can’t even comprehend the size of our ocean. The depth of our ocean. The unanswered questions on what other creatures dwell in the empty darkness of the abyss. We are naive. Humans are limited into what they believe in. We can’t see it, we can’t understand it? We ignore it. Just. Take some time when you are next out side on a clear dark night. Look up. Try and envision yourself beyond our clouds. Beyond the stars we can see. Just start to let you mind drift on to the possibilities that could be. 

Then ask yourself. Are we really alone or so our relatives stay with us. 

Final question?

There’s a dream out there waiting for you to complete it. Reach for it. Grab hold of it. Grip it and take charge of it. If it’s too far away to reach out. Then plan to get to it. Plan out each stepping stone. 

To some extent I do think that there is a certain place for us to be and each job, hobby, moment and event we go through in life are stepping stones to that dream. Why wait? Why wait for it to come to you? Why not build a bridge to that dream rather then a stepping stone. 

We all end up in the certainty that is death. We all end up in that moment where your left wondering “did I do everything I wanted in life!” Yes needs to be the answer to that ultimate question. After all is said and done. Your ready to move across to fill the next void in the next movement of our life’s. All questions have been answered. Or not as the case may be but they have been asked. There is simply one last question for you to seek the answer to. 

The catch? You’re the only person that has the answer to that question. Make sure you ask your self that question ever so often. If the answer is no at that moment in time. Change is needed. 

Be that kid that wants to swing over the bar on that set of swings. Aim for the up and over. 

Fear of feeling. 

All my life. Been running from a pain in me. A feeling I don’t understand. Holding me down.

Is fear of emotions a reasonable thing? 

Emotion is such a natural part of being a human. Why is it that it’s so hard to express them? Is it because we don’t understand them to there fullest extent? Or are we afraid of showing weakness?

I have fought through life trying to bottle everything up that I feel. I have been through a lot. Anger. Upset. Nerves. Unhappiness. All in one tightened bottle ready to smash open. Not only are the bad emotions getting bottled up now but the good ones. The great ones are starting to squeeze into that bottle. 

I know the right answer is to let them out. When there are so many. Where do you start? How do you get started with such a mountain of hurt and angst


See you soon. 

See you soon I heard

With a hidden meaning 

Hiding behind the sorrow 


truth of what you was feeling. 

Walking away into the shadow 

Slipping away from this reality 

You disappeared from my grasp 

With this self inflicted fatality.

Come back to me 

At least for one day

Come back to me 

There’s to much to say

I sore you lying there 

Weak scared and defeated

Knowing this is the end 

In your eyes you looked completed 

Looking right through me 

One thing is clear to us

This is the way your free 

Fuck it come back to me

Come back to me 

At least for one day

Come back to me 

There’s to much to say

Ultimate change. 

Does anybody actually know how to deal with a life changing moment? 

Maybe some people say it’s easy but are actually keeping hold of the hardship they are facing. For me. It’s impossible. It’s impossibly hard to deal with. It feels as though i am falling into a deep hole struggling to see the light at the top. Struggling to climb over the events that have succumb to me over these past months. 

From knowing what direction my destiny was taking me, to her warm welcoming hand just letting go of my grip. Like a darkened room only lit with a candle, slowly burning out. 

Motivation seems to be the key to getting somewhere. Getting out of this dark gloomy, poorly lit room and jumping into the sun light. But. How do I get such a thing?

How do you just switch that light switch and turn everything back on? 
Let the journey begin.